Switch

a happy place

I open my eyes and feel my depression instantly. I never wake up refreshed, but there are times when I can at least pull myself out of bed, And after awhile I feel like a live human being. There's even days when I feel so happy...like I can do anything...like I can be productive. But mostly that feeling only comes in waves, literal minutes at a time. 

The worst kind of days are those when I start off feeling happy, literally on top of the world, and then like a switch, I am instantly in this black hole of misery. That gradual slip into a depression hole is much more appreciated on my switch days...almost welcome. 

And, of course, it's always on a day, at a time, where I can't mentally and physically afford to feel that way. Sometimes I think that's a good thing. And it make me wonder about everything in my life. Are the (sometimes normal, sometimes ridiculous) stresses of my job, adult life these days, etc triggers, or do they only feel terribly overwhelming because of my anxiety and depression.